Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
