Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
