Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
