mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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