So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize