I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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