You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
