I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
