I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
