I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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