Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
