Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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