just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
