I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
