Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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