You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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