It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
