I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize