We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
