Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
