My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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