They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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