I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
