ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
