There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
