Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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