I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
