why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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