thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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