Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize