I wanna bring you to show and tell
barbara walters just said penis...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
