WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
