Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
