Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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