I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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