One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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