I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
