i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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