exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
