do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize