"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
