I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
