who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
