Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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