I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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