2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
