Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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