I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
