It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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