I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
