it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's never too late to be topless.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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