So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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