I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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