theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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