why didn't you poke me back
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
