Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
is it fun? or sober?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
