He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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