I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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