8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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