Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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