Farmville is her only friend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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