I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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