Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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