There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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