she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
