You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
