If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize